PART I

Ayffus pulled up to a dilapidated cabin in his red Jeep Wrangler. It was the first sign of humanity he had seen in over and three hours of driving through the dense bushland of Australia’s Wollemi National Park. He was miles from the nearest town. It was hard to imagine someone wanting to live so far from civilisation. Ayffus envied their remoteness.

It was early morning, and he smiled at the crooning magpie in the tree above.

There was a letter box in the shape of Ned Kelly’s helmet. Next to it was a sign that read, ‘Bugger Off!’

Ayffus turned off the engine and muttered to himself, ‘Just explain you want to go hiking through to the lake, no biggie.’

He heard the screen door of the house closing. A chubby woman wearing a thin mustard coloured dress tiptoed toward Ayffus’s Wrangler.

Ayffus let out a sigh. She seemed kind enough. Nothing to worry about.

He wound down the window and called, ‘Sorry, didn’t mean to intrude!’

‘What do you want?’ The woman called back.

‘Just came to ask if I could go for a hike through your property.’

‘Hike to where?’

‘Heard there’s a fish in the lake near here. Apparently, you can’t find it anywhere else in the world.’

‘Wanna eat it, do ya?’

Ayffus threw his head back and laughed, ‘No, no, I just wanted to see if I could find it.’

‘Seeing an African bloke doing outdoor activities is strange, is all.’

‘Don’t see many of us out this way, do you?’ he said with a chuckle, while he rolled his eyes internally.

The chubby woman didn’t smile. She creeped closer to Ayffus’s car. Ayffus noticed red dots on her dress, like blood splatter.

He took a deep breath. Okay, it could be from some tomato sauce. Nothing to worry about.

‘What’s your name, sweetie?’ the woman asked with a wink.

‘A-Ayffus,’ he stammered.

‘Avis?’

‘Ayffus. Like “eye” and “fuss”.’

‘That’s a lovely name,’ she whispered. ‘Eye fuss. Mmm, I’d fuss over you any day. Mind if I get a closer look?’

‘Not at all,’ he said through a toothy grin, masking his racing heart. ‘So, is there a path just behind your property?’

‘Yes.’

‘Would I be able to use it?’

The woman leaned into the car, ‘If you give me a kiss I might let you.’

Ayffus froze, ‘Uh- I- um-’

‘Come on, sweetie. Hubby’s not looking.’

‘Sorry, I-’

‘I always wanted ta kiss a black man’s lips.’

Ayffus gripped the steering wheel.

The woman noticed, adding, ‘Guy looking for fish. Bet you’re lonely. I’ll be your catch of the day.’ 

‘I-I think I should go.’

‘You’re not going anywhere, sweetie.’

Suddenly, a knife was at his throat. 

‘Hubby!’ the woman called out, ‘I got us a black!’

PART II

The screen door of the house opened. A giant bearded man walked out wearing nothing but his underwear and a shotgun cradled in his arm.

‘Ooo, that’s a first, love!’ he called back. ‘Give ‘im the welcome.’

Ayffus tried to steady his breathing. His eyes darted around for a way out. He felt the cold blade tickling his Adam’s apple.

‘No where to run, sweetie,’ the woman hushed.

‘L-L-Look, I’ll just go. I’ll forget this ever happened.’

‘Forget? Sweetie, you’re not forgetting anythin’.’

Ayffus looked around for a way out. He had only one choice. 

He punched the lady in the face. She howled and fell to the ground.

‘Oi!’ bellowed the man as he charged over.

Ayffus twisted the key in the ignition. The Wrangler roared to life. He shifted the gear stick into reverse and slammed his foot on the accelerator. The car raced backward.

BOOM! The man fired his shotgun, shattering the windscreen. Ayffus ducked his head and kept his foot pressed hard on the accelerator. The car was moving quickly, but he couldn’t see where he was going. He was scared the man would shoot him in the head if he dared move it to look behind or look up at the rear-view mirror.

With one hand, he tried to open the zip of his backpack sitting on the seat next to him. Inside was his personal locator beacon. He opened the bag, and he clawed inside it and felt the plastic of the device.

BANG! The Wrangler rammed into a giant eucalypt. Ayffus’s head whipped and slammed into the steering wheel. His world was a blur.

He heard the car door open, then his seatbelt unclip. A rough hand gripped his neck and yanked him out of his seat, and threw him onto the ground outside. 

‘Help!’ Ayffus yelled, still delirious. He looked up and saw the hazy outline of the man from the house staring down at him. The man raised his foot and kicked Ayffus in the head. Everything went to black.

PART III

Ayffus woke up in a dark room. His head felt like it would split in two. He almost threw up from the pain.

Ayffus assessed his situation. He was sitting in a chair, and he felt the roughness of a rope tying his hands together. Faint beams of light were shining through slits in the wooden wall. The smell of barbecued meat wafted through the room.

Ayffus guessed he was inside the dilapidated cabin. Quiet tears pooled in his eyes. He couldn’t believe what he had gotten himself into. He should have driven off as soon as that lady appeared. 

It would be days before anyone would know where to find him, and it would be far too late by then. The couple had probably gone through his bag and destroyed his personal locator beacon.

Ayffus wiped his tears on his shoulder. Now wasn’t the time for crying. He needed to find a way out.

Ayffus shuffled nearer toward the source of light coming through the slits in the wall.

The door burst open. It was the woman. 

‘He’s awake!’ she screeched.

‘Please, you don’t have to do this!’ Ayffus cried.

‘Shut up!’

‘Please, let me go and everything will be okay.’

‘You threatenin’. me?’

‘W-What, no no I-‘

‘I’ll slit your little throat if you talk back like that again.’

‘Sorry, l-look, I’ll give you that kiss if you let me free.’

The woman perked up, ‘Reeeally?’

‘R-Really.’

‘Hubby wouldn’t be too happy ‘bout that.’

‘Hubby doesn’t have to know.’

She mulled it over for a moment, ‘Mmm, cheeky little one, aren’t ya?’

Ayffus forced his best smile, ‘The cheekiest.’

He leaned forward to kiss her. The woman jerked forward, and he felt a sharp pain in his gut. Ayffus yelped. He looked down and saw her sticking a knife into his stomach.

‘You bitch!’

The woman smacked him hard across the face.

‘Don’t play games with me, sweetie,’ the woman said.

The man’s gruff voice called through the wall, ‘Stop playing with your food, love!’

Ayffus struggled to collect his thoughts. What did he say?

The woman loomed over him and sang, ‘Bleed the little pig. Bleed the little pig.’

She pulled out the knife. Ayffus saw red oozing down his shirt. The sight of it made him feel faint.

The woman stepped back toward the door, ‘We’ll see you for dinner, sweetie.’

Ayffus swayed in his chair, and the room faded away as he succumbed to the darkness.

PART IV

Ayffus opened his eyes. Everything was pitch black. It was hard to know how long he had been out. His head throbbed, but, strangely, the pain in his gut had dulled.

My stomach’s gone numb. I don’t think I have long. Fuck. Dying over a fish. You’re a genius, Ayffus.

He heard hushed voices behind the door.

Ayffus tried thinking of another way out. He tugged on the rope tying his hands to the chair, but it was too tight.

‘Sweetie!’ the woman trilled. ‘It’s dinnertime!’

A fresh wave of dread washed over Ayffus.

He heard the door open, but he couldn’t see a thing. Then he smelled a whiff of tangy body odour.

Heavy footsteps approached and thumped behind him. Ayffus’s heart was hammering.

‘P-Please,’ Ayffus cried, ‘I’ll do anything.’

‘Don’t move,’ the man said.

Ayffus felt gusts of foul breath on his neck as the man huffed.

His ropes loosened. His hands and legs were free. Ayffus jolted forward to escape, but the man’s thick hands clasped his shoulders, halting him.

‘I said, don’t move!’

‘Why are you doing this?’Ayffus cried.

No answer. The man’s thick hands nudged Ayffus to walk.

Ayffus creeped forward into the thick darkness. He thought about pleading, but he knew nothing would stop these two from doing what they wanted to do next. He wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of thinking they broke him.

After a few seconds of walking, the thick hands clasped his shoulders to stop.

Ayffus felt naked, standing blind in the room.

The woman’s voice shrieked through the blackness, ‘Hubby, what do we say to the people lucky enough to be our dinner?’

Now was his chance. Ayffus made a run for it. He ran straight through the dark, not knowing where else to go. He readied himself for a crash into a wall, but he crashed into a body.

He yelled as he punched and kicked the person with all his remaining strength. But his hands and feet hurt from the blows. Ayffus realised he was hitting hard plastic. Definitely not flesh. 

There was a blinding light. Ayffus shielded his eyes.

PART V

Ayffus lay on the ground trying to see while the bright light shined into his eyes. He looked down and saw the thing he crashed into was actually a male mannequin. He was lost for words.

‘Tourists just think they can waltz into people’s backyards. Think the locals are nice push overs,’ the woman said behind him.

Ayffus turned his body. The chubby woman and the giant bearded man were standing over him. He held his arms over himself in defence.

‘Stop cowering. We’re not going to hurt you anymore,’ the man said.

‘H-How do I know that?’

The woman held up her knife and pressed her hand on the tip of the blade. The blade retracted into the handle as she pushed on it. A thick red liquid oozed out. Ayffus struggled to understand what was happening.

‘That’s the fake blood on you,’ she said.

Ayffus glanced down at his shirt, and saw only a small amount of dried blood, not at all the amount he would expect from a knife to the stomach. He pulled up his shirt and there was only a slight cut. Ayffus smelled his shirt and although it looked like blood, it smelled sweet, familiar.

Ayffus looked up at the duo, breath ragged, his body still coursing with adrenaline. Finally, the realisation of it all was dawning on him.

‘Made from chocolate and colouring dye,’ said the man.

‘There’s a sponge inside the handle,’ added the woman.

Ayffus’s eyes were wide, ‘What the hell is wrong with you people?’

‘You’re lucky you got off lightly. We never had a black before,’ said the man.

‘Always give the first ones a pass,’ said the woman.

‘The next one’ll be for lunch.’

‘Who knows when that will be.’

‘But rules is rules.’

‘Tell your mates there’s a reason that no one’s seen that fish.’

‘Now get the fuck off our land!’

THE END